Category: etiquette

 

When someone speaks so loudly their voice intrudes on everyone nearby, it’s sort of your duty as a good interdependent citizen to speak up. Don’t you want to know when you are annoying others? So unless you’ve heard the person clearly state “I know I’m loud and I don’t care”, just ask if they intend to be heard by everyone. They might really appreciate this feedback, especially if they are newly hired CIA agents, Mafia members, or just rumor mongering neighbors who think no one is aware of their gossip.

Now hopefully you’ve listened in on their conversation and learned a bit about them. What if you’ve gotten the sense they won’t respond well to the direct approach? Or what if you just have trouble being direct? Just because you don’t think the person will be receptive to your input doesn’t mean you should give up. So try starting a conversation by introducing a new word. Fortunately, I have a fresh one to suggest. It might feel funny or sound foolish, but exposing your own vulnerability might make the person a more receptive listener.

Here goes. Time to intervene. Tell the person that they should be used in a dictionary as a perfect example of a loudpiquer.  Be sure to maintain a fair, evenly composed facial expression.  The best way to do that, of course, is to genuinely want to learn more about this individual and share valuable feedback. But, if your underlying attitude is one of hostility or a desire to escalate tension, please don’t do this at all. But, you should definitely continue reading this blog and buy all my books.

This person may have several possible reactions. Because loudpiquer sounds a lot like loudspeaker, they’ll probably know you’re talking about their voice levels. Yet, they’ll also be a little confused, and think, he didn’t say “speaker”, he said “piquer” (although they’ll probably mentally spell it “peaker”.) But saying they are a “perfect” example, and could be used in a dictionary (very smart) will come off as a compliment and should disarm whatever tension might otherwise arise from butting into their conversation.  They should also be impressed by your generosity. After all, you’re bearing the gift of increased vocabulary.

Now that you have that person’s attention, explain a little more about the word. We all know the word loud.  Pique (with an iqu) can mean to arouse curiosity or cause irritation. Either way, that’s what is happening. The ensuing conversation should answer questions about the person’s awareness, their general interest in new things, and their willingness to adapt to the needs of others. And, you’ll learn more about yourself as you try a new way to interact with people.

Of course it’s possible the person won’t appreciate this new word, and maybe even think that you are making fun of them with it. Tread carefully if you get this vibe. Our playful interventions will take some practice and I don’t want anyone getting discouraged by a painful beating or some other humiliating public experience. Apologize if necessary, but explain that you were just trying to do them a favor. Don’t act scared, but be respectful. Pay attention, file away their response in your powerful, computer-like brain, and it will add to your knowledge about social interactions. Over time you will become increasingly adept at dealing with people. Probably.