Whether I’m working out on one leg during T25, or seeking the right mix of work and play, I’m always trying to achieve balance. Nowhere is this more important than in choosing what to say to others. Clear communication requires directness, sometimes even abrupt boldness, and yet every person is a potential minefield of unique sensibilities. Stating the plain truth is important, but poor timing or bad choice of words can arouse emotions that prevent the content of your message from ever being heard. Selecting the right personal pronoun is an example of how hard it can be to strike that balance.
In many ways pronouns illustrate some of the differences between the sexes. Women have received the short end of the stick in a lot of ways for a long time. Pay, job opportunities, myriad legal rights are just some examples. This inequality even crept into English grammar so that when the gender of an antecedent was unknown, proper English automatically defaulted to he, him, his. Well, that’s not only biased, it’s often inaccurate. So what do we do? Some have combated this linguistic misogyny by simply flipping the script and defaulting to she, her, hers when referring to an unknown antecedent. This still leaves us vulnerable to the same inaccuracy problems. So some language leaders use “they” now when the sex is unknown, even with singular subjects. Sometimes I do that when speaking, but when in writing I can’t overcome concerns about lack of clarity.
Some gender neutral words have been invented, but none have gained much acceptance. For now they I’m afraid they create a distracting source of confusion among mainstream readerships. Since many of the scenarios I describe in this blog require a personal pronoun without clear antecedent, I need a solution, and here it is. Most of my posts deal with how people treat each other. When I am referring to someone who is neutral or behaving well, if the gender of that person is not known I will use a female pronoun, she, her, hers. But if I am writing about a person of unknown gender who behaves poorly, thoughtlessly, or is an asshole in any way, I will use the pronoun he, him, or his. I can’t make everyone happy with this decision, but for now I’ll pay up some linguistics reparations. Sorry for all the years of oppression and neglect, sisters. P.S. I’ll deal with binary gender and gender fluid concerns later.