Participastory is devoted to exploring human interdependence. That means hiking, sometimes crawling through the rugged terrain of interpersonal relationships, all the while scribbling notes, taking photographs, collecting samples. The need to fend off attack is always present. Now that I hope I’ve made it sound exciting, here are some clarifications and disclaimers.
You can learn how people affect each other in many ways. Reading, discussing, scientific observations and experiments. Or just close people-watching. We’re going to do a little of all that.
Many of my future posts will suggest ways to start conversations. Part of that will include learning how to identify and meet strangers who share your interests (if you all decide to collect any samples from each other is something for you to work out privately, with full disclosure and informed consent, please). How exciting and interesting it is will depend on you. But please know that getting to know some people, both strangers and those in your close circle, can be boring sometimes. You probably already know someone already who repeats the same story, and includes lot of unnecessary details in a dry, monotone voice. Just remember that geographic exploration teams had to deal with some boredom too – long treks across vast, unchanging prairie, or calm, unending seas with little to entertain them. But they did it for the thrill of discovery or promise of a big reward, or possibly because there were simply no other opportunities or they were trying to escape persecution.
That thrill of discovery (or impoverished lack of choices) also motivated explorers through another hardship, the daily grind of hard work. Exploring how people affect you and vice versa may not involve hard physical labor, but it may entail the kind of complex thought and tough decision-making that can make your brain hurt. And don’t forget relentless rejection or criticism. Think being around people who constantly question the obvious, who complain about everything, or the opposite, are so relentlessly upbeat it drives you crazy. They can be a lot of work to be around. We will strive to make some fun exercises, but can’t always promise that and need to disclose it now.
Then, if after the hard work, a few days of boredom, you finally see some exciting and interesting new side of person or get some insight into the social fabric around you, it’s always possible that you might go too far in trying to understand someone. Cross a boundary that causes offense or injury. If you make a person angry enough to want to harm you, either physically, socially or financially, you might regret taking some of these risks, just as explorers probably felt when running from an angry sow grizzly they accidentally separated from her cubs.
The payoff, though, is getting inside someone’s head. That phrase may conjure notions of mind reading, or surgery with cutting and drilling. But what if you thought of it as unwrapping? What do you unwrap? Gifts. For anyone concerned I’m about to serve up a platter of earnest humanistic optimism loaded with melted cheese, then full disclosure – this author does think that all people have something unique and important to offer one another. Now I don’t know if people are all inherently unique or special. But everyone has an opportunity to be viewed that way by someone else. These qualities may only be special or unique to a certain person at a certain point in time. Directions given when someone is lost. A smile or joke for someone having a tough day. But don’t look for moments of interdependence to be permanent nor for everyone else to understand them.
And when other life enthusiasts try to force what they think is special about another person on others, it often creates a backlash. No one wants to be told what to think, especially about other people. The strongest feelings that people have are about other people. So a payoff in exploring interdependence is discovering what you think is special about another person near you, and knowing that that person may only affect you in that way. In finding that, you are finding part of yourself.
Is discovering special connections between people how to understand interdependence? Well, if we fully understood interdependence, there would be no need to explore it. People would understand each other, work together, avoid each other, and argue in just the right amounts. But I expect we can benefit from learning more about how others perceive us, how to be more honest and accurate, and how much to care.
Finally, during these explorations you may find that what makes a certain person special is something dark, menacing, or unpleasant. Well, an unfortunate reality is that sometimes people get gifts they don’t want. We don’t offer a refund policy. Rest assured, though, that part of exploring interdependence will include learning how to exchange certain thoughts and ideas about people for other ones. I hope that will be even better than a full refund. Stay tuned.