Have you ever made a mistake so stupid that you wished you had a brain disorder or disease to blame it on instead of well, you? I did just the other day. But for the record, writing this post has been quite therapeutic and I in no way wish for any sort of brain disease or disorder.
I was leaving Panera Bread. My water cup was empty except for a few ice cubes, so I veered toward the waste and recycle cabinet. A busy employee blocked the front of it, so I leaned over from the side to drop the cup in the hole marked for plastics. As soon as my fingers released their grip I realized that the staff member was changing out the bag for the waste container that normally rests beneath that hole. And then, Ka Boom! The water cup, filled with ice, hit the ground at the same time as my sense of self.
I apologized immediately, but it probably seemed like an automatic, reflex gesture. The fellow said something along the lines of – That’s okay. It happens. Or, that’s not the first time. I can’t remember what he actually said because I was so mortified, but I hope it was the latter. Knowing others had done it too would make me feel better, even though it should make me feel even worse, since it would mean this poor fellow would have had to endure even more misfortune. I left the restaurant, but that incident obviously hasn’t left me.
Okay, so I exaggerated the seriousness of the mistake I made. But it sent shock waves of embarrassment through me. Had I been more present in the moment, I would have seen what the fellow was doing and asked where he wanted me to place my cup. Instead, I was lost in my own world of thoughts.
Does being present in the moment mean giving up this inner life in favor of closer attention to my surroundings? I love my inner world. It’s where I explore ideas and places I’ve never been. Tell myself stories and figure all sorts of things out. It’s what allows me to feel so superior to people who claim to get bored easily because I suspect they don’t have one. Anyway, I don’t want to reign in my inner world. But I would like to better merge the inventive playfulness and thoughtful consideration of that interior life with my surroundings.
With that state of mind I would might have still made a similar mistake, but maybe I would have reacted better.
If I were appropriately present in my inner world, I would control my body language to convey remorse, yet display a rugged constitution able to withstand criticism. When someone breaks down over a mistake, sure, they’ve showed their regret, but they’ve also spilled a whole lot of feelings for someone to clean up. I would think about how my action affected everyone involved, and make sure that by spending some time fixing this problem that I didn’t worsen another one down the line. Like if I had just been called home about an emergency, or was blocking the line so other people couldn’t throw their stuff away too.
I would look at the employee and all the patrons staring at me and say, “At first I thought my embarrassment is punishment enough for this mistake. Especially since I’m so humiliated I know I’ll never do this again. But, this shouldn’t be about me, but about how to help you. Will you get you in trouble if I clean this up?”
So while being apologetic and willing to clean my own mess, I am also mindful of the business’s commitment to customer service and comfort. If we all gave just the right amount of attention to our mistakes, peoples’ responses to them would change over time as well. In such a world, the employee might reply along these lines.
“Your actions were a classic example of cognitive tunneling. We try to create a pleasurable stimulating atmosphere and you’re a repeat customer because of it. It’s only natural for you to get lost in your own thoughts and not notice a subtle changes in environment. I should have put up a warning sign of some sort around the hole to prevent you from this experience.”
I want to apologize to this Panera worker whose job I made harder that day. I’m sorry for adding to your workload. And I’m especially sorry if I reduced you faith in the overall progress of man with my mindless stupidity.
I would also suggest that we use our mistakes to examine how we affect others. There’s a mental balancing act for us to exercise here. Too little embarrassment, and maybe we don’t try hard enough to avoid mistakes in the first place. Too much embarrassment, and our brain freezes up and we don’t learn anything. The effort spent on this balancing might lead us to that perfect mental state I mentioned earlier, where we integrate impressions of our surroundings into our inner world, without being lost in either. Then we will be free to make new and more interesting mistakes.
But don’t worry, we won’t stop making mistakes. We would have to have perfect information and decision-making abilities to do that, and when by the time that happens we will have finally invented an AI system capable of exterminating us. Now that might be an interesting mistake.