Being open and transparent is usually a good thing. Of course giving too much information, especially about body fluids or other sticky subjects, can be annoying. This post is about how some folks cross boundaries, not in what they share, but how. I’m talking about people who speak so loudly that everyone nearby can hear them, whether they want to or not. It’s almost the opposite of eavesdropping.
I’ve never heard anyone report hearing an interesting idea or good joke from some loud-talking stranger next to her. Have you? If that happened I’d probably raise my voice a lot more because I’m full of interesting ideas and good jokes. No, most would describe this intrusive experience as ranging from uncomfortable all the way to very irritating.
There’s no real problem here unless the person is irritating. That’s bad, because it makes you feel, well, irritated. But before you jump to an unpleasant reaction, I recommend trying to learn some about the person. They are obviously offering up free information so you might as well see if there’s anything to interest you. If the loud neighbor is making it difficult to hear your companion, maybe you and your companion can both listen for a while. Not only would that make for an interesting first date, but maybe you’ll both hear a valuable stock tip or a warning about some impending threat.
While picking up some actionable financial advice is unlikely, there is a good chance you’ll gain something even more worthwhile – insight about fellow humans. You may learn what interests them, what they like and dislike, what they know and don’t know. Why should you care? There are probably many reasons, but one of the most important is because, let’s face it, you are going to judge that person. Maybe you think, I don’t judge others, or at least I try not to. But a judgment is just an opinion. We all have them and we form them all the time to make sense of the world around us. People shouldn’t say ‘don’t judge me’, they should say, ‘judge me accurately and please give me feedback about areas I might need to correct, but don’t treat me poorly’. That’s one of the guiding values of Participastory – don’t treat other people badly. But I digress.
What should you focus in on to make an accurate judgment? To form a detailed opinion, you’ll need more than can be learned from listening in to excessively loud conversation. So I recommend focusing on two important criteria: How much is the person aware of the volume? How much do they care? Understanding this can guide how to respond, both internally and outwardly.
People who knowingly speak loud enough to be heard by others outside their circle might not acknowledge it, but they want to be heard. Think of them as audio posers. They are trying to craft an image or perception for others. Such people are often seen in coffee shops, restaurants, or busy public lines, speaking loudly into their phones, or talking in an animated way to a group of acquaintances who seem to be looking for a way to escape. That’s one of the signs of an audio poser– the people who know him often look like they wish they didn’t. Why does this person want others to hear everything he says? You may have to engage in conversation to find out. And, of course, that might be part of the reason. By spewing out his thoughts and ideas he may be weaving a conversational fishing net.
There is a decent chance, though, that the person may be unaware due to poor hearing, excessive caffeine consumption, or both. I’ve been excessively loud for those reasons before, and I’m glad my family and friends let me know. If this person’s acquaintances informed him and he’s made no effort to tone it down, he may not care. But maybe his friends haven’t told him, and that says a lot about how much they care.
In just a short time, in an unexpected encounter with an intrusive voice, we’ve explored crucial dynamics of human interaction. You’ve formed an opinion about how much the person is aware of their behavior, and perhaps on how much they care about its affect on others. Now it’s time to see if you’re right by asking that person some questions directly. And that’s the subject of my next post.